


Rebonding

by prompt_fills



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Confessions, Feelings, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-06 10:48:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8747593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prompt_fills/pseuds/prompt_fills
Summary: Is that a freaking mark?” Fernando leaned closer to peer at Kimi. His eyes were narrowed in suspicion, his tone incredulous.
   Kimi didn’t answer. The dark lines across his skin spoke for themselves and he wanted Fernando to jump to the wrong conclusions. He wanted Fernando to think it was a mark – he wanted him to think they could be bondmates.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [theianitor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/theianitor/gifts).



> I owe a big thank you to [F1rabbit](http://archiveofourown.org/users/F1_rabbit/pseuds/F1_rabbit) for both her corrections and her feedback! ♥

_Kimi dragged down the zipper of his jacket._

_“What is that?” Fernando asked, his eyes focused on the space bellow Kimi’s left collarbone._

_That didn’t take long. Kimi suppressed a smirk and shrugged. “Nothing.” He tugged his arms free from the sleeves of his jacket and threw it over the back of the chair. “It’s too hot in here.” He slouched in his seat, taking a slow sip of his eggnog. He grimaced at the taste._

_“Quit playing games,” Fernando growled._

_“I’m not,” Kimi said flatly._

It became obvious fairly early in his life that there was something wrong with his bonding skills.

The usual way things went was that when two compatible people met, they’d develop the same markings. The design and placement of the mirroring marks depended on the nature of the bond. There were all kinds of bonds. Some people only had marks for family ties, some shared marks even with their pets. Some people had over twenty marks, some had none.

The thing was, once both you and your bondmate felt a connection – a potential compatibility – the marks would appear.

Once you stopped being compatible, the marks would vanish. This would happen when one of the bondmates fell out of love, when they found a better match, when they died or when they decided to move on with their life. The marks would only stay as long as both sides were a perfect match.

Everyone and their aunt believed that Kimi couldn’t bond.

Which wasn’t true.

He could bond, quite easily. But the markings would never stay. Never. Sometimes it took a few hours before they faded away, sometimes it took a few minutes. Sometimes it happened so fast Kimi wouldn’t have even known about it had there not been other signs accompanying the process of marking.

The pleasant prickling of the freshly marked skin, the slight dizziness. The thirst. The warmth that would envelope the whole body. The rush of adrenaline. The surge of energy that came out of nowhere and stayed for long hours.

Kimi knew all the symptoms, because he could bond. In fact, he learned to time the bondings to match perfectly with his racing schedule.

He was young when it first happened. So young.

It wasn’t his first kiss. It wasn’t his first love. But it was his first bonding that he had any recollection of.

He was shocked – they were both shocked – when they saw a dark shape form across their wrists.

He was way too young for that type of commitment. It was all that he remembered running through his head. Not yet, too young, no, no, no.

He got so drunk it was a wonder he got back home in one piece.

When he woke up in the morning, memory fuzzy and thoughts slow, the mark was gone. He was relieved beyond words – and ready to forget all about it.

But then it happened again and again, and again.

Over the years, Kimi built up a tolerance to the thrill of the bondings. He was no more aware of the prickling on his skin than he was aware of his shirt. The dizziness and the abrupt influx of emotions didn’t throw him off kilter anymore.

Now, the burst of energy was barely enough to cover the jet lag.

He couldn’t say that he missed the old days when the feeling of a fresh bond would send his senses into overdrive. But he missed being naïve enough to think he would find a person for whom the mark would stay.

_“Is that your freaking mark?” Fernando leaned closer to peer at Kimi. His eyes were narrowed in suspicion, his tone incredulous._

_Kimi didn’t answer. The dark lines across his skin spoke for themselves and he wanted Fernando to jump to the wrong conclusions. He wanted Fernando to think it was a mark – he wanted him to think they could be bondmates. He had never wanted anything so desperately in his life until he met the Spaniard._

_“Why hasn’t it faded yet?” Fernando demanded to know, breaking the train of Kimi’s thoughts._

_“Huh?”_

_“How come you still have it?” Fernando’s patience was running short._

_“Have what?” Kimi kept his expression neutral. He wanted to hear Fernando saying the words and realizing the potential._

_Fernando was getting himself worked up. “The mark! Why isn’t your mark fading away?!”_

_“I don’t know,” Kimi said, savouring the moment._

_He could imagine it perfectly, the effect his next words would have on Fernando. The moment Fernando would realize Kimi knew about their marks and that now, since Kimi had a mark too, they could take the next step._

_Kimi drew in a breath, then he slowly let it out through his nose. “Why isn’t yours?”_

_Fernando’s eyes widened at that all right, but his reaction was nothing like Kimi had imagined._

_Fernando didn’t say a word, just raised his right hand and grabbed the hem of his ugly Christmas sweater, yanking it down, none too gently. The fabric protested against the roughness, yielding, stretching, revealing the pristine skin of Fernando’s collar bone._

_Kimi’s breath caught in his throat. “No.”_

_This was impossible. He had seen Fernando’s mark, clear as a day. Many times._

The first time, years ago, all he did was accept Trulli’s offer and joined their group for a game of poker. By the end of the night, he noticed Fernando had a mark. A subtle flicker of a line sitting low on Fernando’s neck and disappearing down his chest.

He caught a glimpse of it when Fernando leaned over the table to deal the cards. Most of the mark was still hidden below the v-cut of Fernando’s shirt and Kimi barely spared it a thought.

He didn’t realize it was their mark, back then. To his defence, there weren’t any people – besides his family – he had bonded to over the years without being intimate with them.

But there could be only so many coincidences – seeing Fernando’s mark and feeling his own bonding symptoms over the racing weekends whenever they’d run into each other. It wasn’t before long that Kimi was inspecting the mark, this time on his own body. He spent long minutes staring in the mirror, standing on his tiptoes to lean over a sink in a badly light bathroom somewhere between Lyon and Paris.

There were lines forming into scales, shaded and blending together to mimic the sleek skin of a reptile. Then two small and sturdy wings and two front legs with sharp white talons. A mane, dark green, darker than the scales. It was a lindworm.

It was gone within two hours.

Sometimes Kimi caught the sight of Fernando’s mark again. He knew what to look for and Fernando never seemed to be overly cautious about it around Kimi.

It became a painful sight. His own bare skin and the teasing flicker of a dark line on Fernando’s. While Kimi’s mark would always fade, Fernando’s mark seemed to be always there, a puzzling presence on Fernando’s chest, always mocking him, always reminding him of the lack of his own mark.

It had always been there, when Kimi cared to take a look. Until now.

_“No. This is impossible!” Kimi said. “You have our mark. I’ve seen it enough times.” He tried to stay calm but his heart was racing. His stomach turned at the thought he could have been wrong. When the question tumbled out of his lips, it was a mere whisper, “When did it disappear?”_

_If Fernando thought he couldn’t bond, or even worse, if Fernando thought Kimi had the mark, too, and just wouldn’t bond, then there wasn’t anything Kimi could say to justify his own mark._

_The lack of Fernando’s mark could only mean Kimi had done something wrong and Fernando no longer saw any potential in him._

_Kimi reached for his glass to down it, noticing that his hand shook ever so slightly. He closed his eyes, the faint taste of a cheap alcohol burning its way down his throat, warm and heady._

_“What mark?” Fernando asked. “Can you see any mark?”_

_“No,” Kimi said, getting up from the table and upsetting the chair in his haste. It clunked loudly as it fell on the floor. He didn’t even notice. He crossed the small space between them, gripped Fernando’s hand and forced it lower. The collar of Fernando’s shirt revealed more bare skin. “When did it disappear? And why would it?”_

_Fernando shoved him away. “You don’t get to ask the questions here.”_

_Kimi hit the edge of the table, catching himself and crumpling down on it. He couldn’t trust his legs to keep him up._

_A silver candelabrum toppled over, red candles coming loose from the branches and rolling across the table. The candles weren’t burning, at least, and neither of them reached to collect them._

_“Why isn’t that thing,” Fernando said, pointing at the tail of the lindworm that was now clearly visible on Kimi’s chest, “fading?”_

_“It’s a tattoo,” Kimi managed to get out. His voice sounded funny. He hadn’t been this upset in years. “It’s just a tattoo.”_

Kimi hated to see his mark dissolve into nothing. His theory that with each new bonding the mark would last a little longer didn’t prove to be correct. There was no rhyme or reason when it came to how long the mark would stick.

But this was it, damn it, Kimi was certain. His bloody mark should be certain, too. Stubbornly, it kept disappearing on him, just like it always had.

So he got it in permanent ink.

Another tattoo to his collection, but this one had a real special meaning behind it. Almost a sentiment.

He wanted Fernando to know they were on the same page.

A mark that wouldn’t be gone with a new morning. A mark that would be there, days and weeks and months and years from now. The thought brought comfort to him, like a promise fulfilled.

Fernando, unfortunately, wasn’t reacting well. And most importantly, he didn’t have the mark.

_Fernando stared at him. “A tattoo?”_

_Kimi suddenly wished he’d kept his darn jacket on. Stupid plan. Stupid decision._

_“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” Fernando went on, getting up as well. With Kimi slouching against the table, their eyes were levelled._

_“I wish.”_

_“So it is true? You can’t bond? And you thought… I actually have no idea what you could have been thinking. That it would be funny if you picked my mark’s design?”_

_“I can bond,” Kimi croaked. He needed to make Fernando understand. “I can bond seven times in an hour. Probably more, if I really put my bloody heart into it. I bond all the fucking time.”_

_Fernando’s eyes narrowed._

_“It’s our mark,” Kimi tried to explain again. “What else would I pick? A fucking candy cane?”_

_“Yes. No. Fuck, just shut up for a second,” Fernando snapped._

_That wasn’t something Kimi heard often. He crossed his arms and watched Fernando pace around the room._

_Faintly, Christmas songs could be heard from the other room. Muffled cheers, bursts of laughter, glasses clinking together. Fernando’s guest were having fun._

_Kimi felt a twinge of guilt. Here he was, spoiling the mood for Fernando. He peeled himself from the table._

_“Where do you think you’re going?” Fernando asked sharply, pausing in his track. “Sit your ass down and start explaining. Because I don’t get it. I just don’t get it.” He jerked his chin towards the seat Kimi had occupied earlier and Kimi obediently followed the order._

_“Good. And start at the beginning,” Fernando added, turning to the window. “I can’t puzzle it out, so break it down into simple steps for me, would you?”_

_Kimi also looked out of the window, glad the Spaniard’s piercing eyes weren’t cast on him. The snowy treetops offered a calming scene. The sky was darkening and the daylight waning. Fluffy snowflakes were quickly falling down on the ground._

_“I saw your mark, realized I had it, too. Mine always fades, so I wanted to… whatever,” Kimi summarizes, finishing with a little wave of his hand._

_“That’s a bit too simple.”_

It was far from simple. He’d had a bond collapse on him so many times the heartache was as much a part of his life as brushing his teeth. He was so used to bonds forming and falling apart that it hardly moved him anymore. It became easier to keep people out than to keep his guard up.

Fernando, somehow, snuck past the defensive walls and his constant presence was something to look forward to, rather than to dread. Each time the lindworm appeared only to vanish later on, Kimi hated himself a little more.

He wanted it to stay – and when it wouldn’t, he found a way around it. He wanted the mark to be a part of him, regardless of what Fernando decided.

_“It’s far from simple,” Kimi objected._

_“Yeah. I know,” Fernando sighed, the line of his shoulders dropping slightly._

_Kimi risked getting up again, quietly walking around the table and joining Fernando at the window._

_Fernando glanced at him. He seemed to be tired._

_“You were right, you know,” Fernando admitted. “The mark always fades. So I just draw it back on when I feel like it.”_

_Kimi felt like the air had been punched out of him. “What?”_

_“Sometimes, when it appears, I trace the lines and paint them on my skin so that it lasts a few days. They sell special markers for it.”_

_“Oh.”_

_“Yeah.” Fernando ran a hand through his hair. “Now I can draw it from memory. I just didn’t bother today. I wanted to unwind and if I wasn’t being careful and someone saw it, they might have questions I definitely wouldn’t like to answer.”_

_“So,” Kimi gulped. “It disappears and always comes back?”_

_“Yeah. Whenever you do. Wait, you didn’t know it did that?”_

_No one had ever stayed long enough to find out if the bondings could happen over, and over again. The moment the markings were gone, so were his companions. “I thought the mark stayed on you all the time.”_

_Fernando smirked, “You thought I was the one.”_

_“I think you’re the one, yes,” Kimi said._

_That wiped the smirk from Fernando’s face._

Kimi was used to bonding all the time but it had been a pretty long while since the last time he actually wanted to bond. Since he let himself yearn for the bond to stick. Since he let himself daydream about how it might work. Lazy Tuesday mornings, winter holidays spent somewhere warm enough for his ears not to turn pink, the summer break spent somewhere no one would thought to look for them. Just his soulmate and him.

His brother would tease him relentlessly about it but then again, his brother was already bonded to his high school sweetheart so what did he know about it.

Kimi was entitled to have this little image in his mind. Didn’t mean he indulged himself often, though. It was too dangerous to daydream about things that couldn’t come true.

_Fernando cleared his throat. “Well, it always comes back. It doesn’t even take much. Wanna see?”_

_“See what?”_

_Fernando turned to look at him, reaching his hand to poke at Kimi’s tattoo. “The marking. C’mon, it happens all the time. Just do something nice.”_

_The touch was too much, too intimate, too unexpected. Kimi sharply sucked in a breath through his nose, his hand flying up to smack Fernando’s hand away – but instead, his fingers curled around Fernando’s wrist on their own accord, keeping the contact between them, Fernando’s palm over Kimi’s tattooed lindworm._

_Fernando chuckled. “Wow. Yeah. That will do.”_

_Fernando’s mark presented itself in that moment and now that Kimi was focusing on it, he could feel the effects of the marking._

_At first Kimi was just staring but Fernando didn’t object to neither his gaze, nor his proximity, so Kimi let go of his hand, and gathered the courage to tug his shirt down and trace the familiar lines with the tip of his fingers. It used to be reassuring just as much as irritating, to catch a glimpse of Fernando’s mark. Now it was fully on display._

_Fernando shivered. “You’re cold,” he muttered._

_“Sorry.” Kimi let his hand fall._

_“I didn’t say you should stop,” Fernando said, tipping his head back, exposing more of his throat._

_“Someone could walk in. You should get back to your party.”_

_“My house, my rules. If anyone protests about the absent host, see if I’m inviting them to my Christmas party next year.”_

_“I–”_

_“C’mon. We don’t have long before the marks are gone again. Well, before the bond dissolves – your mark is going to stick,” Fernando laughed, tapping a finger against Kimi’s tattoo._

_Kimi spared a second to glance at the big brown eyes, so alive and playful, before his gaze travelled lower, to Fernando’s lips._

_“Fernando, I–”_

_“Yes, you. You’re impossible,” Fernando huffed, leaning in close to kiss him. It was far from chaste and Fernando’s hands were grasping at him, tugging him closer, urging him to tilt his head and meet Fernando’s lips._

_Fernando’s fingers slid to Kimi’s collar bone, stroking the colourful skin. Not before long, Fernando broke the kiss, lowering his head and following the pattern of the scales with his tongue._

_Kimi’s lips parted to breathe out Fernando’s name again, this time closer to a moan than anything else. Fernando’s mouth was on his lips again, maddeningly light and teasing. Kimi grabbed the back of Fernando’s neck, not caring in the slightest if he managed to yank at the tangle of his hair as well, and he pulled him closer, deepening the kiss._

_Fernando melted into him, yielding, his fingers back to tracing over the tattoo, smearing the wet lines from before, leaving goose bumps in their wake._

_“And I thought,” Fernando gasped, “that I’d have to haunt you down with mistletoe.”_

_Fernando pulled away, his eyes wide and his lips reddened. He gazed up at Kimi for a moment, before dipping his head to rest against Kimi’s shoulder. The quick, warm puffs of his breath brushed against Kimi’s collar bone._

_“Unnecessary,” Kimi said._

_“Yeah,” Fernando laughed. “I’m getting the message here.”_

_Kimi tightened his arms around Fernando. He could feel the mark disappearing, the familiar cold squeeze in his chest, the unpleasant sensation of a loss. Fernando turned his head, mouthing a comforting kiss into the skin low on Kimi’s neck._

_Kimi let a small smile appear on his lips as he nosed against Fernando’s hair._

_For the first time, he didn’t feel upset about the marks vanishing. Right now, it didn’t feel final in the slightest. More like new chances unfolding in front of them._

It would take years until the day Kimi would scratch at his tattoo and realize that the lines were as sharp as the day he got them inked into his skin, the colours just as bright. He would frown and lean closer to the mirror for an inspection.

It would take him weeks to muster the courage to tell Fernando.

Fernando would roll his eyes at him and lean up to give him a quick peck on the cheek, patting Kimi’s head patronizingly. “That took you long enough to notice,” he would say. “I stopped drawing mine ages ago.”


End file.
